:/

Well... He doesn't hate me.
I guess that's an upside.
We've been texting each other.
It just blows because its not the same.
I know if I told him that, he'd just be like "DUH! We're never gonna be a couple again. You're lucky I'm even talking to you."

Everyone keeps telling me to get over him.
EVERYONE.
I wonder if he knows what he does to me.
I wonder if he'll ever fully forgive me.

I miss him!
I miss the sound of his voice.
I miss his lips.
I miss being held.
I miss looking into his eyes.
I miss catching him staring at me.
I miss holding his hand.
I miss everything about him.

He had my heart.
He still has it.
He just doesn't want it.
What am I supposed to do?
I love him SO MUCH.
I couldn't possibly tell him that.
I hope he knows.

I feel like there is SO MUCH to be said.
He just doesn't want to go there.
I want him to scream at me.
And then I want everything to feel normal.

I know I should feel happy that he is just talking to me.
But I want him back.
And I can't make him want me back.....
I just wish it never happened.
I know a lot would be different....
But I think that's a good thing.
My life has been crap ever since we broke up.
I need him to want me again.
He means the world to me.
I know it makes me sound really desperate and like a stage 5 clinger.
But I do.
I always have.

Fuck waiting for Vernon to realize what he could have had.
He threw that all away.
Fuck waiting for Cody to realize that he should have chosen me.
It wouldn't have worked out.

He is all I want.