Introduction, Session 1

Okay so this is a kind of "new Denae" thing.
My mind has been going coocoo ba-friggin-nanas because I really don't have anyone to vent to who won't try to vent back.

Lets see.... Recently going on:
1) I'm going out with Frankie
2) Cody texted me the other night
3) I miss Luke
4) I turned 15
5) My dad sent me a card
6) My brother forgot my birthday
7) I realised I want a certain type of guy
8) I hate the popular kids in my school
9) I can't choose
^^ consider this in outline of my madness as I go into detail

1. Frankie
I have dated him before and when we broke up I felt awful. I broke up with him because I was going through a hard time and it was inconvenient to have to worry about someone other than me. But he really does love me and I know he'd do anything for me. He's treated me well and I was SO happy do be dating him... Til like yesterday. All he seems to want to do is move farther into a physical relationship but that's what I don't want!! I'm not comfortable with that! Sure, call me prude but I'm 15. I'm allowed to be. He's always calling me 'baby' and whatnot but it kinda annoys me because I'm not the kind of girl who likes that. At least from him.

2. Cody
Cody and I have gotten along since the end of spring when I was in the seventh grade. He moved and I cried and then we started to talk again and we liked each other. We were getting closer and he was kinda like "yeeaaahhh uh I like Jess more sooo.... yeah." Well that wasn't hard to get over. Everyone likes Jess. She's awesome. That didn't work out for them though. Then Cody and I were close to going out again and two days before Valentines day, Kelsey was telling me how he met someone else. So.... yeah. My luck. He then tried to talk to me about it the next day and I told him to leave me alone. he has pretty much complied until a few days ago when he asked me to get over it and talk to him again. To just be friends. Do guys not understand that you're never "just friends" after you do stuff like that? My god. I told him that I don't trust him so we can't be friends. It broke my heart to say it but it was true.

3. Luke.
Okay. Seven years of liking the same guy and watching him date skank after skank hurts you. The sad part is, I just realised that Ive liked him for that long. I see him like two days a week and it drives me up the wall because its my first instinct to completely close myself off from him. I think he just thinks I'm awkward. Luke will always be the guy that I act all clumsy and giddy over. How ridiculous is that?

4. 15
If I was Mexican. it would have been a bigger deal. The only upside is that I'm having a gathering this weekend and I get to see my friends from my old school and Kara, who I haven't seen since homecoming. She moved and now we've been apart for six months. That's the longest we've been apart since we were five.

5. Birthday Card
Can you believe that they make cards for dads who are away from their kids for long periods of time? What a douche bag! Does he expect me to thank him for sending me a card after not being there for all that time? There wasn't even money in it. I mean... work for my gratitude. Shit.

6. Forgot
I remembered his. He forgot mine. He's just like dad. What a douche. I hope he breaks his legs.

7. Certain type.
Real. Edgy. Independent. Wears cargo pants. Likes real music. Isn't a stoner. Actually loves ME. Someone who respects that I'm not a girlie girl and I won't want to be fondled every time I'm around them. Responsible. Honest. ...Guess who's not like that?

8. Like omgzzz were SO popular
Fuck off. No bullshit. These kids sit in class with their hollister and act like they're the shit and i just really feel the urge to cut them all. They talk shit about everyone and it really pisses me off because... Who they fuck are they? They're little douchey cunts who hide behind each other and act like they're pimp shit when they're really not. Get over yourselves.

9. ??
I hate this. Frankie's always pouring his heart out to me and all I want to do is tell him to back off. And stay far, far away. I think that makes me a bitch. But I'm just not the clingy person. Yes, I like to have conversations but I don't always want to be optimistic. I'M NOT A GOD DAMNED OPTIMIST. I'm a straight up cynic. And I don't think I can stand being with someone that's always going to want to be so close with me. Especially when all of this drama is going on. I'm almost scared to hang out with him because I'm scared I'll just snap and scream "BACK THE FUCK UP!!" ...God I'm a bad person.